Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Soulja Boy - souljaboytellem.com

YUUUULLLLLEEEE!!! I’m sure this summer you’ve heard this mating call of the moronic kind all over your radio. Coined by 17 year old MySpace sensation, and I use sensation VERY loosely, Souljah Boy. Now I know that the banner above says “your ideal spot for all things GOOD” but I am a “journalist” of sorts and must be objective and unbiased on everything I review – good thing this is my blog and not a newspaper. If you are a Souljah Boy fan and you are easily offended – click the ‘X’ in the corner of your screen now.
Here’s my track by track run down of Souljah Boy’s debut album, souljahboytellem.com:

Intro – Just by the intro alone I could tell this CD was going to annoy me – highly. The CD starts with Souljah Boy & Mr. Collipark quoting, well poorly imitating children’s cartoon “Pinky & the Brain”. Then comes the inevitable shout outs.

Crank That (Souljah Boy) – And here is this summer’s hit smash. The fact that this song reached #1 one forces me to ask, “America, why? Are you feeling okay?” I will not lie, I fell victim to the undeniable catchiness of this monstrosity but I recovered quickly. And do people really not understand what he means when he says “Superman that hoe” or the more obvious “Supersoak that hoe”. Parents, I beg you, listen to your children’s music before you let them go around supersoaking some ho.

Sidekick – I call this the “Shameless Plug Song” because of all the unnecessary times the word ‘Sidekick is repeated through not only the horrendous chorus but all through the verses as well. I cringe at repetitive songs but this one almost gave me a tumor. The lyrics represent what most 17 year old guys talk about … nothing at all. This song is the standard “Look what I bought with all the money I have” type song. Aside from the materialistic lyrics, the beat just hits all the nerves in my body. The bass is pretty catchy, I will not lie, but then all the whistles and such just make me tear up. Then he decides to end the song with the most ignorant thing that I, as an English major, cannot grasp. Spell technology for me people … ‘K’ is not in there at all! So that pissed me off. And I just LOVE this line “But What U Won't Believe Is I Wrote This Song.” Yes, Soulja Boy – we can believe you wrote this. I believe it with all my heart.

Snap and Roll – Again with the annoying chorus. I wanted to stop the CD right here and just give up on the review but I have to suffer through it and do my job. This is another dance song that is nowhere near as catchy as Crank Dat. There really is nothing to say about this. It sounds like the same beat from the previous song just with some extra bells. Snap or Die? I think I rather die.

Bapes – The song that, I believe, got him initially noticed on MySpace by a major “fan base.” This is shameless plug number 2. Now I hated this song when I first heard it. Granted I tend to hate most songs my little sisters blast from our computer so there was a major biased at first when I first heard of Soulja Boy. After a summer of hearing this, I hate to admit it … I sort of like it. The repetitiveness doesn’t bother me so as in the last two songs because it’s actually sort of catchy. But then he gets to the whole “Start choosing, hoe” part and I got turned off a little.

Let Me Get Em – Yet another “dance” song. Poole Palace … acceptable dance for this day in age. Then pull your trigger finger? And we wonder why guns are so popular among young people. I’m sure when a “concerned” parent hears this song, they’ll go straight to the FCC and talk about the gun references and then Soulja Boy and his people will say “But we have a disclaimer in the song.” And the sad part is it’s true. Yes, in the beginning it is said very clearly, “This is a public service announcement, Shoot Out is a dance and is not intended to incite any violent behavior. Yule!” Ok so you know this song may pose the risk of young kids or idiot adults getting a little to wild at the club or school dance wherever it may be, then why put such a stupid song on the CD. What do you think you’re condoning? Water gun fights?

Donk – Sad part of this, I could see this being a hit single if he were to release it. Again

repetitive lyrics and reused drum machine beats. Simplistic song talking about a woman’s “Donk.” Don’t know what that is? Where have you been for the past what, decade or so? Short story even shorter, he wants to an ample girl shake her ass on the dance floor. Don’t you love what your 13 year old sibling or other family member is listening to?

Yahhh! – High school delusions of fame and major fame. Enough said. I dare not even repeat the elementary lyrics.

Pass It To Arab – If you were wondering who Arab, the guy he passed it to in Crank Dat, was, it’s Soulja Boy’s sidekick (and no not his Teknology). Yes, his dear friend from the 30/30 boyz gets a feature on the CD. I could tell it wasn’t just Soulja Boy rapping about his best friend because this new voice sound slightly less prepubescent. Again lyrics about nothing really … just gibberish disguised as the English language. It is catchier than the other songs though I will give it that. It’s like Bapes part 2.

Soulja Girl – Here’s is Soulja Boy’s second single and his attempt at a mid-tempo ballad. It was actually somewhat nice to have something in between all this adrenaline rushed music. This song was slightly more listenable than any of the others … but that does not change the fact that it sort of sucks. It’s a cute little song. I wonder if he really wanted to do this song or if it was a label decision because it’s not degrading women. Just doesn’t seem like it’s in his nature to be an “R&B thug”

Booty Meat – I wanted to skip this song when I read the title but damn my curiosity. There’s nothing to even review about this song. It’s disgusting. It’s the same subject as Donk such a lot more … vivid, I guess I’ll say.

She Thirsty – Uhh, can we say ego? Seriously, I don’t know why I even continue with this CD. It’s all talking about the exact same thing in every song. A girl who’s on his jock, who just won’t leave him alone because he looks oh so good and he’s got swag out this world. Get out of here!

Don’t Get Mad – The end of the madness and I can’t help but think this song is directed towards people like me. I’m not angry that children like you … I’m angry that he sucks but is getting money for it. I’m not one to down someone for doing what they love and having fun with it. In fact, I applaud Soulja Boy for being able to blindfold everyone and think that he’s putting out music. I understand every generation has there “IT” boy but though he’s catchy I don’t think he’s it – at least I hope not. And I end with “What you mad foe?” I mad foe many many reasons … and I think you’re one of them Soulja Boy.

I know it took me a while to post this review but I actually listen to each song over and over while writing the review to get the full essence. After the first three listens of this CD I was on idiocy overload. I really needed to sleep on this one and see if I was even going to go ahead and review it. I wrote a lot more than I expected but bad music will do that to you. He’s young and maybe with time he’ll get better but I really think his 15 minutes are up.

On the Brown Sugar Sunshine scale of 1 – 5, Soulja Boy gets the honor of being the first rating of 1, and that’s just for effort.

= Void of Nothingness

Grab A Listen:

Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)
Soulja Girl

Coming up:
Colbie Caillat's CoCo

Anticipated Movies


Poke said...

LOVE THIS...finally somebody who agrees with me. After hearing his CD I felt dumb for the rest of the day

Endia Z. said...

lol I KNEW I couldn't be the only what who felt this way. I'm surprised (and very glad) someone actually read that whole thing and agreed. lol Listening to this CD was a very dumbing experience for me.

Anonymous said...

Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I've been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

Thumbs up, and keep it going!

Christian, iwspo.net